


if it helps

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Gen, Hurt Flash, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Whump-ish, flash is angry and defensive but they know he doesn’t mean it, flash is hurting so bad someone hug him :(, overdose mention, self-harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 20:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20264014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: peter parker sees someone about to jumphe really wishes it had been anyone else





	if it helps

**Author's Note:**

> Massive warnings for suicide :( 
> 
> ** This is set in a time where Peter Ned MJ and Flash are all very very close and have accepted Flash into their group
> 
> i’ve seen so many fics where peter sees flash about to kill himself but i just had to  
write my own version :’))
> 
> this is like a huge ass vent ngl but we-

The air is cold. A bitter sort of cold that makes his lungs furl and unfurl with discontent. He blows small puffs of smoke each time he breathes, watching them swirl and dissipate. His body is numb. 

Eugene Flash Thompson looks down, and the streets of Queens stares back. 

Cars race past, not noticing the teen teetering between life and death. They’ll continue on their way, never realizing what they almost witnessed.

His bare hands grip the railing of the building’s roof. Wearing nothing but a loose fit tee and ripped jeans, the January winds are harsh and unforgiving. 

He won’t cry. He won’t. 

He wants this. 

His legs are shaky on the small ledge, heart practically still. His mind is blank, save for one thought.

Let go.

Eugene’s sure if he holds on for any longer his hands will fuse to the metal bars. 

He closes his eyes.

A large pressure is washed from his chest and soul as he feels the wind rushing through his hair. He’s free. 

Just when he thought himself liberated from the constricting chains of life, he feels something swing into him from the side. 

He lets out a sharp gasp, eyes snapping open wide. The ground is getting farther and farther away.

No, he is.

There’s an arm wrapped around him, holding him close and firmly. 

His feet hit the roof, and he falls to his knees seconds later. 

“Sorry about that rough landing,” A voice calls from his side, “I almost didn’t see you in time!”

Spider-man. Eugene says nothing.

“Hey,” The vigilante turns to face him, “are you okay-”

Spider-man stops dead. Eugene frowns.

“Flash?” He whispers, voice not sounding _anything_ like a hero’s should.

Eugene says nothing still. His entire body feels weak.

_He Should Be Dead_

“Flash I-” Spider-man lowers to the ground, hands hovering awkwardly, like he doesn’t know what to do with them, “But you-”

“Uh… Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Spider-man chokes on a half laugh half sob. “Of course I’m fine but you- You just-“

Eugene doesn’t say anything, looking away.

“Flash.” 

Spider-man sounds so hurt.

“_Why?_”

Eugene can feel his head pounding and his heart racing. He’s freezing still but he won’t feel it for a while longer, shock too strong and deep in his bones. His bare knees are deep in the snow, ripped jeans being useless as usual.

He looks up at the hero and almost laughs, despite the horrid situation. 

“Can you take off the mask? It’s kind of weird talking to you with it on.” 

“Uh- Sorry. No. I’ve gotta keep my identity a secret you kn-“ 

“Peter.” Eugene cuts him off. The vigilante almost chokes. 

“What?” 

“I know you’re Spider-man, Peter. You don’t have to keep the mask on.” 

There’s a beat of silence, and no one moves.

The mask comes off. 

There are tears on Peter Parker’s face. He looks so hurt and confused.

“How do you- I mean- How- No.” Peter cuts himself off. “No.” He shakes his head, as if to clear his thoughts. He can ask about how Flash knows later. There’s more pressing matters.

“Flash.” He says once more, staring the smaller, shaking boy in the eyes. 

Flash looks away, Peter doesn’t have to repeat his question.

“I just can’t do it anymore.” Eugene whispers, looking down at the snow.

Peter says nothing.

“My- My dad keeps on telling me he loves me, he says he does… but he never stops swinging. Every time I think that I hate my dad I feel so guilty. It just makes me hate myself more I- He’s _my dad_. He pays for our home, our food, our clothes, and I’m so ungrateful I- I don’t even love him.”

“W-Whenever he hits me I… I try and tell myself I deserve it, and I know I do, I do, but sometimes I just wish he’d _stop_.”

There’s a long silence where no one speaks.

“There aren’t even times where things seem okay anymore. When I was little I used to keep myself from doing.. well… This, by thinking about all the times where things were okay. Good, even. But those don’t exist anymore.”

“I can’t be here anymore. I can’t-“ He chokes on a sob. “I can’t be alive anymore.” He curls in on himself, sobbing violently. 

A pair of arms wrap around him gently, pulling him close. Eugene sobs into Peter’s shoulder.

“It’s okay.”

It’s not.

“It’s okay.”

Peter knows it’s not.

“It’s okay.”

Eugene knows it’s not.

“It’s okay.”

But it helps to hear someone say it.

Eugene sobs harder into Peter. The older boy wraps his arms around him and holds him close. 

“Eugene.” 

The use of his actual name has him looking up. 

“Eugene listen to me. I know you won’t believe me. I know. But listen anyways.”

He stays silent.

“You are such an incredible person. You’re smart and funny and so so dedicated to everything you do. You’re stubborn to a worrying degree, but in a good way. I know you think I hate you for how you used to act, but I don’t. I’ve never hated you and I never will. You’re a good person, Eugene.”

“I don’t want to lose you. You mean so much to me. To Ned, MJ, Betty, Abe, Cindy, May. So many people care about you.”

The Thompson boy can do nothing but stare in shock, bottom lip quivering. Peter pulls him close once more, hugging him fiercely. He closes his eyes.

_ If I hadn’t been patrolling here tonight- If I hadn’t been on this street- _

Peter’s heart breaks listening to Eugene’s sobs.

_ He would have. He tried. He jumped. He would have._

_He would have._

_He would have._

_He would- _

Peter pulls him in closer. 

Flash shudders in his grasp and he feels so _small_. Peter can’t believe how fragile his friend feels in his arms. 

_If he lost Flash. If he ever lost him._

Not after the past year they had spent building a friendship. Not after the long nights texting the group chat and laughing at Flash’s weird texts. Not after watching Ned laugh so hard that milk came out of his nose because of a joke Flash made. Not after finally getting _Eugene_ to come out of his shell.

Not after everything. 

He couldn’t lose Flash. He couldn’t. 

“It’s okay,” He murmurs once more. 

Peter smiles softly, looking down. Eugene’s asleep, head resting on Peter’s shoulder. 

Tears pour down the webslinger’s face as he watches the younger sleep. A fit like that would no doubt tire him out, and judging by the intense bags beneath his eyes, Peter assumes Flash hasn’t slept in quite some time.

“It’s okay.” He repeats. “It’s okay.” 

He gently picks up the smaller boy. Flash is freezing, shivering even in his unconscious state. Peter cradles him close. 

“It’s okay.”

It’s not.

but it helps to hear someone say it.

;-;

“Spider-man, once again, saves another person from jumping to their deaths. Passerby’s say they saw a figure jump from the rooftop of a building, only for the hero to swoop in and swing away.

“In other news, Mayor Sweeney promises that…”

The anchorwoman’s voice drones out as Ned and MJ take into account what she previously said.

They’re sitting in Peter’s living room, patiently awaiting the arrival of said boy. 

“Shit,” MJ breathes, “Suicide attempts always fuck Peter up.” She frowns. Ned nods.

;-;

It’s half an hour later that the front door opens.

Both their hearts stop when they see the body in Peter’s arms. 

It doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots between said body and the news report.

Flash looks unbelievably tiny in their friend’s arms. He’s not wearing a coat or anything. 

“Peter… What-“ Ned takes an uncertain step forward, not believing the sight before him. 

MJ recoils hastily as soon as she touches Eugene’s arm. _ “He’s freezing!” _

There are blatant tear tracks still visible on Peter’s face. He looks worn and weary. 

“He needs blankets.” The spiderling chokes out. MJ nods and scurries down the hall. 

Peter carefully lays Eugene down on the couch. Michelle returns with an arms full of blankets. 

They drape them across the small boy, trying to contain their tears. 

“He’s okay.” 

He’s not.

but it helps to hear someone say it.

;-;

MJ pours the boiling water into the cups, preparing the tea silently. 

Chai for Ned, green for her, lemon ginger for Peter, and peppermint for Flash.

One sugar and milk for Ned, a tablespoon of honey for her, two sugars for Peter, and nothing for Flash.

She smiles as she thinks back to the first time Eugene had tea with them.

_ “Peppermint?” Peter asked, staring at the box in his hand. Flash whacked him on the head, snatching the box back. _

_“Yes idiot, haven’t you ever had it?” _

_“No,” Peter frowned, “Lemme try!” _

_Flash rolled his eyes, handing over his mug. Peter smiled, taking a large sip._

_Just as soon as it had entered his mouth, the tea dribbled out onto his lap. Peter stared blankly at the three of them._

_“What the fuck.” _

They had laughed themselves hoarse that day.

Michelle snorts, spiders and peppermint don’t mix.

She carries Peter and Ned’s mug in one hand and hers in the other, leaving Eugene’s on the table to cool until he wakes.

Ned says nothing as he accepts the tea, not that she expects him to. None of them feel like talking at the moment. 

They sit on the ground, quietly watching over the sleeping boy.

“Peter…” Ned starts, not sure what to say, but knowing he needs answers. 

“He jumped.” The web-slinger says, looking over at them. “H-He told me that he ‘couldn’t be alive anymore’ a-and he- his dad oh god you guys his dad-“

“Peter,” Michelle puts a hand on his shoulder. The next part goes unspoken.

It’s not.

but it helps to hear someone say it, 

even if they aren’t really saying it.

“His dad hurts him.” Peter manages. MJ’s eyes are brimming with tears.

Ned Leeds blinks and he’s crying. 

“He… He meant to?” 

The look on Peter’s face is enough. He doesn’t have to say a word. 

It’s not okay.

but it would sure would be nice to hear someone say it is.

;-;

Eugene is cold. 

Maybe not freezing, but cold.

His head hurts, and his body is almost entirely numb. His eyes are sore and his throat is scratchy. 

He opens his eyes to see a stark white ceiling. He doesn’t know where he is, but this isn’t his house. 

Eugene shoots up, heart already racing. A million thoughts are racing through his head, but the most prominent one is somewhere along the lines of wondering what the hell happened.

“Flash!” 

There’s a hand on his shoulder and his brain clicks instantly at the familiar voice.

He sees three teary-eyed teens with worried expressions watching him. 

“...What?”

It isn’t his best moment, and not the phrase he’s proudest of, but he’s pretty sure it perfectly captures how he’s feeling.

His brain is fuzzy and he’s still not sure how he ended up in Peter’s apartment but,

“Did someone die or something?” 

Crap. Shouldn’t have said that. One look at their crumpled faces and he’s aware that his comment was in poor taste,

but why? 

…

…

“Oh.” He blurts aloud, body going numb. He stares blankly ahead.

_ Cold._

_Rooftop._

_Cars._

_Wind._

_Caught. _

__

“Flash,” Peter places a gentle hand on his shoulder, “It’s oka-“

He harshly moves away, narrowing his eyes and trying to ignore the tears building in them.

“No it’s not.” He hisses.

it’s not.

and he really doesn’t want to hear anyone say it is.

Michelle frowns at him, big brown eyes soft at the corners. 

Gone, is the shock of being ‘saved’, all Flash feels now is anger.

Anger towards himself, for letting himself get that bad. For not just slitting his wrists or ODing quietly in his room like he had first planned on doing. For being angry in the first place.

Anger towards Peter, for saving him. For somehow managing to make him feel like he deserved anything other than death. For being such a good fucking friend.

Anger towards his father, for beating him senseless countless times. For never owning up to it. For relentlessly trying to make excuses for it Every. Time.

Anger towards his mother, for never stopping his father. For telling him to have some respect for the older man. For not noticing how fucked up her son had become.

Anger towards whatever fucking higher being that allowed him to be born into such a shitty world with such a shitty family and shitty personality and-

“I don’t want to hear you tell me it’s okay when it’s not.” He seethes. 

“Flash I-“

“No.” He interrupts once more, standing abruptly on shaky legs. Maybe it’s the adrenaline, or just pure luck, but he doesn’t fall flat on his face. He backs away.

“Why did you have to be there?” He grits his teeth. “Of all the fucking places in Queens, you had to be there? At that time?”

“Don’t you realize how glad I am?” Peter retorts, brows drawn together, “That I _was_ there-“

“I. Don’t. Care.” Flash hisses, chest heaving with uncontrollable emotions. 

“But I do!” Peter cries back, eyes red. “We do.” He adds quietly. 

“Oh well excuse me,” Eugene replies, emphasizing his words overdramatically, “I should have known, it doesn’t matter what I care about as long as Peter Parker and his little posse get what they want!”

Peter looks at the small boy, face betrayed.

“Are you kidding me?” He almost laughs, “This isn’t about what I want this is about-“

_ “Why couldn’t you have just let me die!?” _

Silence.

No one moves a muscle. 

Eugene’s face is flushed with rage after the outburst, jaw set. He looks over and _Oh._

The tension from his body releases, eyes widening. 

Ned Leeds and Michelle Jones are _crying_.

He’s such an asshole.

_ Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God_

Eugene feels a drop of water on his hand and realizes that he’s crying too. Big fat tears are rolling down his cheeks. 

Peter looks absolutely heartbroken. His bottom lip is trembling and his eyes are glassy. 

It’s still silent.

Eugene brings a hand to his face, lips parted in shock.

That wasn’t Eugene that spoke, that was Flash.

“I-“ 

Eugene’s entire body wracks with a sob as he sinks to the ground.

“I-“

He buries his head in his hands, feeling himself shake. 

Without a word Michelle fiercely pulls him close. He doesn’t protest. 

In his brain he’s apologizing. Over and Over and Over and Over. For Everything he’s ever done. For being born.

but all he can do is cry, and his apologies never make it past his tongue. 

Ned carefully wraps his arms around the two. He’s sobbing too.

Peter can only watch

and wonder how he was stupid enough not to see how badly Eugene Thompson was hurting.

It’s not okay.

It’s not.

**Author's Note:**

> NNNNN i wanna give flash such a big hug shut up he’s so TINY 
> 
> he is literally a Baby i just want him to know he is loved and appreciated:((
> 
> hopefully things go better for him next chap >:)))


End file.
